I sat there alone, My friends by my side, Thinking about nothing, and this life’s crazy ride.

There was a feeling so intense, They couldn’t even tell, One I had never felt, As to how far . . . → Read More: Alone on a Beach at Night Under the Sun]]> It was late at night,
As the sun shown down.
As the thunder crashed,
It left nary a sound.

I sat there alone,
My friends by my side,
Thinking about nothing,
and this life’s crazy ride.

There was a feeling so intense,
They couldn’t even tell,
One I had never felt,
As to how far I had fell.

Was this true love that I felt?
when they felt nothing at heart?
Was I never alone?
And always apart?

And I knew all to well
We knew nothing at all.
This was meant to be
And had never come at call.

(lyrics in bold)

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,

People think they are so good at seeing what lies behind the eyes – the part that touches the soul.  Most people are afraid to get involved and too apathetic to want to . . . → Read More: Wish You Were Here]]> based on Pink Floyds “Wish You Were Here”

(lyrics in bold)

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,

People think they are so good at seeing what lies behind the eyes – the part that touches the soul.  Most people are afraid to get involved and too apathetic to want to know the truth.

Blue skies from pain.

We hide the pain, the self doubt, the hurt we all feel inside.

Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?

Disguise the discomfort, the loneliness. Hide our desires because we’ve been told they are wrong.

A smile from a veil?

We all hide who we are to some degree.  We hide our damage, bury it, make sure it doesn’t impact those around us who think we are perfect.

Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?

We settle.  We choose the path of “this is what must be, even if it isn’t what I want.”

Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?

We lie to others and ourselves that is is for the greater good. We accept that as fact, and the new ‘non-choice’ of taking the lesser of two things is the better option.

Cold comfort for change?

Finding comfort in the lie.  Remorse slowly eating away at our very soul.

Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

We choose to be the prince or princess of the microcosm around our soul, instead of taking on the world because it’s too scary to confront all that pain, and baggage. In essence, we disconnect.

I have damage. I, too, have pain and doubt, every day.  But I won’t let it stop me. I will be free. Come with me.

How I wish,
How I wish you were here.

Don’t disconnect and withdraw.  Stand with me, arm in arm, hand in hand.  We’ll lean on each other.

We’re just two lost souls
swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,

You aren’t alone.  You never have been. It’s time to evolve into something even more amazing than what you already are.

Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.

We all have inner demons – moment of doubt, self betrayal. As a dear friend pointed out to me, “by voicing them, we bind them and cage them.” This is the essence of how we confront them and move on.

Wish you were here.

Livin life with no plans. I glance around the room, Control the flow with both hands. A smile appears across my face, Hanging on my mouth cause I feel so right in this place.

Finally found a place to be, . . . → Read More: Life Like This]]> modeled to the tune and beat structure of:
“Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People

Livin life with no plans.
I glance around the room,
Control the flow with both hands.
A smile appears across my face,
Hanging on my mouth
cause I feel so right in this place.

Finally found a place to be,
A sense of peace, and of joy,
been searching for all eternity
I’ll try to make them understand,
The care, and the love,
when standing hand in hand.

[Chorus x2:]
All I ever wanted was a life like this
Through the wind, and the rain, out comes the sun.
All I ever wanted was a life like this
Through the tears, and the pain, better than a bullet.

We still work some long days,
Sometimes coming home late,
But it’s gonna be O.K..
Because everything is all right.
When I see your smile,
And the love in your eyes.

Waited such a long time.
Yeah the road has been rough,
and I can now say you’re mine.
A feeling that is so surreal
My heart is quick to pull the trigger,
because we know just how we feel.

[Chorus x2:]
All I ever wanted was a life like this
Through the wind, and the rain, out comes the sun.
All I ever wanted was a life like this
Through the tears, and the pain, better than a bullet.

[Whistling]

[Chorus x3:]
All I ever wanted was a life like this
Through the wind, and the rain, out comes the sun.
All I ever wanted was a life like this
Through the tears, and the pain, better than a bullet.

Right . . . → Read More: My Machine]]>

The storm has calmed a bit. The noise in my head is muted today. This allows my mind to focus on things I can usually not delve too deep into because the noise makes it impossible to concentrate. Where it wanders, I have no clue, it does it’s own thing, and I follow.

Right now, it’s contemplating radial heat transfer within a nuclear reactor cooling chamber. It’s currently working through the different cooling efficiencies of a variety of structures and designs patterns comparing (mentally) the heat transfer and it’s effect on the structure taking into account short or long term exposure and the potential break down of the cooling system which could lead to meltdown. it seems to be favoring a honeycomb design with an inner cooled wall to avoid a structural breakdown.

It’s not ground breaking research that hasn’t been done before, but it’s where my mind wanted to go.

Earlier it was mentally writing silly bits of haiku and poetry, and then moving on.

Iridescent display of light blue and deep red
Squelches the onslaught of noise in my head.
Evolution has come, my balance has returned,
but must remain cautious of combusting too bright,
. . . and just getting burned.

It’s moments like these, where I really enjoy being me, and seeing what my mind can do, when the distractions cease to be an issue.

I can try to get away but i’ve strapped myself in.
I can try to scratch away the sound in my ears.
I can see it killing away all my bad parts.
I don’t want to listen but it’s all too clear.
Hiding backwards inside of me i feel so unafraid.
Annie, hold a little tighter, i might just . . . slip . . . away.
It won’t give up, it wants me dead,
Goddamn this noise inside my head.